CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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