White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
accomplished twins. life is a go
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize