I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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