R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
