I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
