I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
