Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
