Im at strip club and am horny
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
