i barfeds in our rink
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
