Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
