so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
