I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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