i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
