i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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