these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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