I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Rumble strips road head = magical
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
