I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
