So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
