I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
