i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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