I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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