Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
