Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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