woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
