bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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