you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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