i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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