Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I've blown a few things in my day
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
