So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
