i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
