if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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