Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
