Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
