i just wanna soil my oats bro
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize