forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
