do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize