bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
