Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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