she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
