How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I deserve this hangover.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
