before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
