If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
please don't ironically join a cult
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