Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
