i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
