My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
