The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
