there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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