You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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