I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
