woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
