jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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