I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
