Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
