His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
