Moan for me like Helen Keller
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i need some magic done to my vagina
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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