no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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