So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
