he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize