C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize