I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Are my feet made of real feet?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
