Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Life is so much better after having sex.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
