well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
