Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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