I just made out with a guy for $7.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
