Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
