got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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