Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
