Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Never underestimate the power of titties
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
