the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
