Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
